I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And then he peed in my hair
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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