Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
