he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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