i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
