also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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