is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Randomize
