I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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