Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
