Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
