my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
