No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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