Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
