I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
