it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
