careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
