and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
