You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
