I love black thongs
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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