hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
