how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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