It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
