would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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