Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
