she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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