Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
