The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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