Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
