your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
