I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
