i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
