I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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