My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
