Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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