I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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