found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
