Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
