woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
