I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
