the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
