your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
