I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
