I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You did what with his pubic hair?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
