alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
