Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
