Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
