Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
