She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
