it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
