at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
