New low: just hacked my moms facebook
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
