absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
