I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
